


Don’t say ineffable Sam

by Hamatopurity



Category: Good Omens (TV), Sam & Max (Comics), Sam & Max (Video Games), Sam and max
Genre: Been talking about a Good Omens AU in discord, Freelance Husbands (Sam & Max), Good Omens AU, M/M, also Max is moronsexual, max goes by Maxwell here cause it’s like when Crowley changed his name, thought why not make a little one shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:53:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29591703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamatopurity/pseuds/Hamatopurity
Summary: It’d been the seventh day in the history of the world when an Angel conversed with a demon on the gates of Eden.
Relationships: Max/Sam (Sam & Max)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 40





	Don’t say ineffable Sam

It was the seventh day in the history of the world, the Garden Of Eden stood protected. But that would change, starting with a wiley serpent, and an apple.

The serpent in question, so pure white he was near blinding with dark eyes, he whispered into the impressionable ears of Eve who then tempted Adam. 

God banished the two from paradise, the tempting serpent slithered up the stone walls that protected Eden, approaching a angel. Not just any angel either, a former archangel, taking the appearance of a brown furred canine, his robes being white with gold lining, his wings nearly blending into the white fabric.

He was Samael, he’d given up the title of archangel in favor of watching over the mortal realms.

The serpent had slithered up next to the former archangel, within a blink of an eye the snake disappeared and in its place was a small white rabbit, it stood on its hind legs, its ears almost seeming to stretch until nearing Sam’s shoulders.

The canine angel gave a quick side glance, in the simple rabbits place was a three foot lagomorph, his black robes sagged carelessly, his wings faded from white at the base until they faded in a deep ebony, the dark color contrasting against the near blinding and pristine fur. What was most notable in the demon’s appearance, however, was his teeth, sharp to a dangerous point at every individual tooth.

“Hello, angel.”

Sam glanced at the voice before replying with a sigh in his voice “Hello...demon.”

The demon smiled, watching the sole humans on Earth from the distance “that went down like a lead balloon.”

The taller of the two looked confused before turning to the former angel “I-what?”

Turning around and speaking more bluntly “I said that went down like a lead balloon.”

“Oh.” Sam recomposed himself “Yes, it did, but then that was  _ your  _ doing, wasn’t it?”

The demon gave a light shrug, his wings ruffling slightly as he did so “A bit harsh, of the almighty, wouldn’t you say?” 

Sam turned to the demon with a raised brow at the question before the shorter continued unprompted “I honestly don’t see what’s so bad in knowin’ the difference between good and bad, it’s supposed to be the whole damn point, wouldn’t you say?”

The former archangel sighed “Well, it must be bad…” he stopped, not knowing the impish demon’s name.

“Maxwell.” The lagomorph demon quickly answered before Sam continued “Maxwell, otherwise...you wouldn’t have tempted them into it, or is this just for ‘fun’ for you and your lot?”

The last part had a tone that was a touch more bitter. It made Max smile to get a slight rise out of a goody-goody angel.

“Ah,” Maxwell began “They just send me up here to cause a bit of trouble.”

Sam sighed disapprovingly “Well  _ obviously,  _ you're a  _ demon,  _ it’s what you do.” The former archangel said it as if it was the most obvious and logical thing on Earth.

“Not very subtle of The Almighty though,” Maxwell began again “A big fruit tree smack dab in the center of the garden with a big ol’ Don’t Touch sign...why not on top of a big mountain? Or on the moon?” The demonic rabbit-like creature grinned well, devilishly “Makes you wonder what God is really planning.”

Sam waved off the words with a dismissive hand “Best not to speculate, it’s all part of the Great Plan, it’s not for us to question or understand, it’s ineffable.”

The rabbity demon rolled his eyes rather dramatically “Oh for Satan’s sake, don’t say ‘ineffable’ ya sound pretentious.”

“Well, it is.” Sam insisted “It is beyond understanding and incapable of being put into words.”

Maxwell, however, appeared distracted, gazing at Sam’s side “...didn’t you used to have a flaming sword?”

That made the former archangel freeze “I-what?”

“You did!” Maxwell insisted “It was on fire like nothin’ else, what happened to it?” Sam looked away nervously “U-um...I…”

Giving a cheeky smile “Lost it already, have you?” The angelic canine looked down, speaking in a quiet, somewhat ashamed voice “I gave it away…”

The lagomorph demon’s eyes went wide, no way he heard that right! “You  _ what?” _

“I GAVE IT AWAY!” Sam threw his hands in the air exasperatedly “There are wild animals out there! A-and she’s EXPECTING already! So I walked up to them ‘here’s a flaming sword here you go, be on your way’ I couldn’t just do nothing for Heaven’s sake!”

Maxwell only stared, never had he imagined he could see an angel do something so unexpected and well, un-angel like…he couldn’t help but smile, feeling almost  _ charmed  _ by the image of the action alone.

The sigh of the angel interrupted his thoughts “I only hope I did the right thing…” Sam couldn’t help but look in the distance at Adam, wielding the flaming sword in question.

“I wouldn’t worry.” Maxwell grinned slyly “You're an angel, I don’t think you  _ can  _ do bad.” The reassurance made the former archangel smile “O-oh thank you, thank you. It’s been bothering me.”

As the two watched, Maxwell spoke up again “I’ve been worrying too, like what if I did the  _ right  _ thing with the eating the apple business? Downstairs would have my head and my wings on a silver platter for that.”

Sam stared as Maxwell almost solemnly said “A demon can get in a lot of trouble for doing the right thing.”

Off in the distance of the desert, the sound of Adam smashing the flaming sword into the skull of the attacking lion could be heard, making Sam flinch ever so slightly.

“It’d be funny if we both got it wrong, hm?” Maxwell said with a chuckle in his voice “If I did the good thing and you did the bad one?”

Sam chuckled slightly before registering what the demonic lagomorph had said “No, no! It would not be funny at all!”

Maxwell let one last chuckle out, what a strange angel “Either way, I got a feeling there’s a big storm coming.”

As if on cue, thunder overhead could be heard, Maxwell leaning more towards Sam who, despite the differing sides, held up his left wing to shield the small demon from the rain.

They could only watch, and stew in their thoughts as the Earth’s very first thunderstorm began to rage on.


End file.
